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Nicole
Posts: 2830
Joined: 9/15/2004
From: Nambucca / Kempsey, Australia
Status: offline
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A Different Critique - 11/15/2004 21:30:56
Hi guys,
I plan to actually launch my business in the coming weeks and have drafted some letters to potential clients in different careers.
I plan to post these letters along with some promotional brochures i've created for each target business group, followed by an email a few days later and then a phone call the day after the email is sent. I'm wondering if anyone else has started their business in this way or similar, and maybe if anyone has they could give me some sort of guide as to what to expect in the way of responses, especially from the phone calls.
I'd also appreciate very much anyone interested in critiquing the letter i plan to send. The one below is for politicians, the others are all very similar and are addressed to professional people who provide services rather than actually sell products.
Here is the letter i've drafted:
Dear Politician,
I am writing to introduce myself as Nicole Moore, proprietor of NixDesign, a website design business which focuses on enhancing the profiles of professionals in a range of areas.
Political candidates, sitting members and local councilors are among the professional people NixDesign caters for as public image and information sharing is so important in this aspect of public life.
Our websites keep the end-user in mind at all times by combining creative designs with consistent layout, we make sure that anyone can negotiate your website. We focus exclusively on website design, and within that niche we concentrate on informational sites for professional people. By doing this we can ensure our websites meet your expectations and needs in a timely and affordable manner.
For more information about how NixDesign can enhance your public image and help deliver information to your community, please visit www.NixDesign.com.au, email info@NixDesign.com.au or contact me at one of the contact numbers above.
Yours faithfully
Nicole Moore
Proprietor
Surprisingly it's taken me about a day and a half to settle on this letter, but still i'm interested if anyone has anything to add to it, or can suggest better words or phrases etc.
BTW - I've done a lot of research into the targeted client groups, including doing a number of client profiles for each group to see whether the letter is aimed at everyone within that group and not just those who know how to use the internet.
Thanks
Nicole
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Nicole
Posts: 2830
Joined: 9/15/2004
From: Nambucca / Kempsey, Australia
Status: offline
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RE: A Different Critique - 11/16/2004 19:20:03
So here i am responding to my own post "sigh" that's sad isn't it?
I've updated the letter anyhow, with a lot of help from my fiance, whom i didn't know was capable of stringing such words together like this:
Dear Politician,
I am writing to introduce myself as Nicole Moore, proprietor of NixDesign, a website design business which focuses on enhancing profiles for a range of professionals.
In the modern world it is critical for persons in public life to maintain a professional website to capture the attention of your constituents and project your specific and desired public image. Nix Design understands this concept and how the impact first impressions can influence the public image of Political aspirants, sitting members and local councilors. Our unique and imaginative design and layout is always intended to deliver you cutting edge advantages that will make you the envy of your opponents.
Our websites keep the end-user in mind at all times by combining creative designs with consistent layout, we make sure that anyone can negotiate your website. We focus exclusively on website design, and within that niche we concentrate on informational sites for professional people. By doing this we can ensure our websites meet your expectations and needs in a timely and affordable manner.
Please find a brochure enclosed outlining some reasons why politicians should have a website and the benefits of same. For more information about how NixDesign can enhance your public image and help deliver information to your community, please visit www.NixDesign.com.au, email info@NixDesign.com.au or contact me at one of the contact numbers below.
NOW what do you all think?
Nicole
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dpf
Posts: 7121
Joined: 11/12/2003
From: India-napolis
Status: offline
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RE: A Different Critique - 11/16/2004 20:05:43
Nicole: there is no perfect way to hustle for business - except - one must follow a path one is comfortable with. having watched you on this forum these past months, it obvious that you are thoughtful , thorough, careful - and a little unsure of yourself with the latter not a bad quality at all. quite frankly, I think the tome of your letters fits "you" and is a good way to approach it. the only way to get business is to let people know you are out there. your style will connect wioth some and not with others - thats true of any style so use one that suits you. you will be a success! go for it
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Dan
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smcfarland
Posts: 680
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
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RE: A Different Critique - 11/16/2004 21:32:25
Design the brochure in a way that the letter fits inside if you are planning on cold mailing. Most business owners will toss unsolicited mail, I am assuming politicians are the same.
For warm mailing with the brochure inside the letter, be sure to call and get a name of someone to speakwith, to address the brochure/letter and then to followup with.
I love ACT 2000 for these types of things. Above all else, make sure your website is easy, clear and has no broken links.
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Summer McFarland
Renter's ruined our home - Wanna help?
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smcfarland
Posts: 680
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
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RE: A Different Critique - 11/16/2004 23:24:54
Sorry --to clarify, the point I was trying to make is that most people, especially politicians, are not going to be the "go to" person in charge of these things, and that it would be best to talk directly to their PR person, their secretary, etc. It also makes your mailing a warm one, where they will remember you and your voice in reading the followup and brochure, then when you call again it cements your presence.
I used to work in a real estate office, and we have mortgage companies coming in all the time -- the ones most liked were the ones that called, then sent info, then stopped by or called and made an appointment. We were familiar with them before we saw them in person, and it made the relationship get off to a better start IMHO.
Sorry -- I keep replying to all your posts lol I am stressed and cannot sleep! :)
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Summer McFarland
Renter's ruined our home - Wanna help?
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